Here’s all my love and some pretty near misses for my Nakisai:-
I knew you were special from the moment i saw you and held you in my arms, rightfully so, you have changed my life in ways I can never adequately acknowledge. My general outlook on life has changed, I sometimes cry for no reason, baby songs replay in my mind even in the middle of a serious assignment, I get silly, I play peek-a-boo, I know almost all of the baby stores in town, I have taken desperate measures to get home before dusk..all just to see you, I skip a heartbeat every time I see a call from the nanny, paranoia has hit me hard, my heart breaks much more easily, I wake up at 2am to capture some beautiful sleeping moments and yes, I admit I am crazy, any mum out there will tell you, we sometimes go crazy for all reasons good!
Of course it’s not all rosy, it never is. In fact, there are times I sit and I go like, Lord forgive me, she’s going outta the window! Yes, like when I really need to nap and she decides to make my body her bouncing castle, or when she decides to pull my earrings off without notice…ouch!
The most laughable and funny times are many because when she’s hell bent on getting her way, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change her mind except submit. For instance:
She wants to sing and it’s just not the right time and place, but she’ll force me to join in the quartet and sing nursery rhymes while we are walking to the shanties (quartet because her voice equals 3, mine 1).
Ridiculously stressful moments is when she wants to remove her shoes and walk barefoot in church or she wants something done that she can easily do, like pull off her socks. Clearly, she’s capable of removing her socks on her own, but if she really wants me to do it, she’ll yell the house down, roll a couple of times till I do it, because mum’s a fixer! Please, they are cute, but who uses this kind of reasoning really?
Then there are weird situations when I don’t know what to do, like that one cheeky afternoon when she decided to open my fridge (looking for yogurt I suppose), got a bottle of wine, sat by the fridge so no one discovers her in good time and drank some. So here I am with an intoxicated baby, not really sure whether to rush her to the hospital or just sit there, cry and watch her drunk dive till she sobers up! In fact, up to this day I have never been able to establish how much she downed, but she got significantly high, then afterwards slept like a log.
These are the joys of my journey of motherhood that I wouldn’t trade for anything. She has made my life so beautiful, as beautiful as when I see her smile first thing I wake up and then she says ‘mummy’. People tell me I need to have a life, what they don’t know is that I don’t have one without you. My mantra is simple; I would rather be half an hour late than miss out on that 5seconds heartwarming, exhilarating smile, it’s my drive for the day.
Consequently, I have made a conscious effort to give value into building a meaningful relationship not just with her but with people surrounding her life. Parenting is not easy, amongst those heart melting smiles and hugs, there are hard days, there are times you question your mothering skills and abilities. But, when you begin to understand just how profound and sacred this gift is, being entrusted to mold a soul so innocent into becoming the best they possibly can, you will enjoy it. So yes, I have my moments when my courage momentarily flags, but deeply tucked in grace that is ever so sufficient, it’s been a tremendous 23 months of my life. I thank God.
My love Nakisai, I am still learning the cues, please be patient with mama. If you need me for something, please don’t yell, roll, fake faint and fret, all you have to do is ask. We’ll have a ball. I’m sure.