Hope

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
― Shel Silverstein

Isn’t hope such a beautiful thing!

Curating Liz

It’s okay to hope. For hope is not a proclamation of what is, but a whisper of what is desired to be.
It is so tender and sensitive that we must shield it from the siphoning gaze of disapproval, and hide it from the scorn of disbelief.
It is not something sure; it’s hope.

And the cast of this kind does not fare well in hostile environments. To nurture this delicate shoot is a specialty in its own rite. The untrained hand will clumsily treat this vulnerable plant with imposing fingers, and suffocating pressure. The wisdom of a gentle touch is what reveals its treasure.

There are a few collectibles of hope my heart still keeps in display, but they are hidden from view; protected from disrepute. It is among these whispers I hear my heart’s voice clearly; beckoning to come, a longing which never makes a sound.

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My Journey of Motherhood…Bits And Pieces

Here’s all my love and some pretty near misses for my Nakisai:-

I knew you were special from the moment i saw you and held you in my arms, rightfully so, you have changed my life in ways I can never adequately acknowledge. My general outlook on life has changed, I sometimes cry for no reason, baby songs replay in my mind even in the middle of a serious assignment, I get silly, I play peek-a-boo, I know almost all of the baby stores in town, I have taken desperate measures to get home before dusk..all just to see you, I skip a heartbeat every time I see a call from the nanny, paranoia has hit me hard, my heart breaks much more easily, I wake up at 2am to capture some beautiful sleeping moments and yes, I admit I am crazy, any mum out there will tell you, we sometimes go crazy for all reasons good!

Of course it’s not all rosy, it never is. In fact, there are times I sit and I go like, Lord forgive me, she’s going outta the window! Yes, like when I really need to nap and she decides to make my body her bouncing castle, or when she decides to pull my earrings off without notice…ouch!

The most laughable and funny times are many because when she’s hell bent on getting her way, there is absolutely nothing I can do to change her mind except submit. For instance:

She wants to sing and it’s just not the right time and place, but she’ll force me to join in the quartet and sing nursery rhymes while we are walking to the shanties (quartet because her voice equals 3, mine 1).

Ridiculously stressful moments is when she wants to remove her shoes and walk barefoot in church or she wants something done that she can easily do, like pull off her socks. Clearly, she’s capable of removing her socks on her own, but if she really wants me to do it, she’ll yell the house down, roll a couple of times till I do it, because mum’s a fixer! Please, they are cute, but who uses this kind of reasoning really?

Then there are weird situations when I don’t know what to do, like that one cheeky afternoon when she decided to open my fridge (looking for yogurt I suppose), got a bottle of wine, sat by the fridge so no one discovers her in good time and drank some. So here I am with an intoxicated baby, not really sure whether to rush her to the hospital or just sit there, cry and watch her drunk dive till she sobers up! In fact, up to this day I have never been able to establish how much she downed, but she got significantly high, then afterwards slept like a log.

These are the joys of my journey of motherhood that I wouldn’t trade for anything. She has made my life so beautiful, as beautiful as when I see her smile first thing I wake up and then she says ‘mummy’. People tell me I need to have a life, what they don’t know is that I don’t have one without you. My mantra is simple; I would rather be half an hour late than miss out on that 5seconds heartwarming, exhilarating smile, it’s my drive for the day.

Consequently, I have made a conscious effort to give value into building a meaningful relationship not just with her but with people surrounding her life. Parenting is not easy, amongst those heart melting smiles and hugs, there are hard days, there are times you question your mothering skills and abilities. But, when you begin to understand just how profound and sacred this gift is, being entrusted to mold a soul so innocent into becoming the best they possibly can, you will enjoy it. So yes, I have my moments when my courage momentarily flags, but deeply tucked in grace that is ever so sufficient, it’s been a tremendous 23 months of my life. I thank God.

Ps:
My love Nakisai, I am still learning the cues, please be patient with mama. If you need me for something, please don’t yell, roll, fake faint and fret, all you have to do is ask. We’ll have a ball. I’m sure.

Random Acts of Kindness

There is this supermarket i frequent, almost every day on my way to work. Usually, i need refreshments:- my bottle of water, my nuts and an occasional packet of yoghurt. I consider them my fuel for the day. Well, that is not the story, the story is about a friend i have at this particular supermarket, it’s the lady guard at the entrance.

I barely have a knack for meeting kind guards, not just at the supermarket but just about anywhere else, they are sulking most of the times or they rough you up and just basically unleash their frustrations on you: – something i never quite understand.

Anyway my friend, i will call her Jane because i don’t know her name yet, mainly because I do not like chit chatting her lest her Asian boss sees her ‘wasting time’ and she loses her job. Jane is very kind, even before she proceeds to frisk me and comb through my handbag, she smiles and politely says ‘’Habari yako madam’’ (how are you Madam) then goes on and beckons me to walk in with a warm welcome. See that’s the thing that keeps me going back to this supermarket, just that one kind gesture and the fact that she does her job with so much enthusiasm. She may not know it but she does lighten up someone’s day.

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It doesn’t take much to please someone; be the Jane of today, tomorrow and always. It’s the small acts of kindness that make everyday worth the struggle and they somehow bounce right back to the giver. The principle is pretty much simple, you attract what you give. So, go on, make someone’s day, smile if it’s the only thing you got, keep smiling, there is so much to smile about and then have a lovely day, won’t you?

 

Friends? Before You Say, Think!

I often get good friends (or so i think) going dark on me, for no apparent reason (..or so i think..again), they won’t return your calls and neither will they respond to your messages. When someone you’ve shared significant moments in your life suddenly refuses talk to you, it can be crushing. It’s even sadder when you don’t know the reason for their behavior.

And then, there is a certain breed of friends who will give you silent treatment the moment they realize you are in some sort of a fix and you’ve sought their help. Often times they will say ”i will look in to it” or ”i will give you a call”  Suddenly, they are perpetually in meetings, for some reason, they are always in a situation where they ”can’t talk” …and then that’s it, you will never hear from them!

Yet again, there are some who want to bask with you in the glory of good times. They want all association with you, they confess how far along you both have come, yes, in fact they will be seen crying with you tears of joy, to the moon and to the stars, these friends will walk with you but sadly, only in good times.

Here comes the sucker! This is the perennial-pest-sort-of-friend who will stick with you, believe me not for inspiration, but to use you for their own selfish needs. You will be a friend for as long as you keep satisfying their narcissism!

Just as they say do not count your chicks before they hatch, so should you not count your friends until you are in need, real deep need, only then can you sift through your numbers, pick out the good, leave out the bad because, for as long as we are here, there will always be the bunch of fake friends…that’s just the way the world is!

 

 

Rising Up…Again!

I fell in love with Kirk Franklin’s music in my teenage years…truth be told, this is one guy who is freshly talented..he is real. His music speaks directly to my soul. From his days with The Family, 1NC, God’s Property, Kirk has consistently revolutionized the gospel industry. When they say contemporary gospel, i see him, i think Kirk.

Just recently, i got to read more about Kirk. He has been through some rough patches in his growing up, abandoned by his mother, being surrounded by people with drug problems and his struggle with pornography. In his own words, Kirk said ”you know it’s all garbage. None of that junk can take you to Heaven but i was bathing in it. And a lot of my Christian community was bathing in it with me.” He has been harshly judged, isn’t what the world painfully does best? The beauty of it all is that with time, he conquered his demons.

Sometimes its sad, we like to imagine we are righteous (and i am no exception)..fact is..we are all a little damaged, some more some less. Kirk’s rise above a turbulent childhood is a story of hope, of second chances and growing in faith.

This being my debut blog post (of course i am excited), i feel immensely motivated to encourage anyone out there going through a rough day. Anyone out there who has a not-so-proud past? Has lost hope or seemingly  lost their purpose along the way? Then be encouraged, there’s a better tomorrow and if you truly got no one on your side, never doubt you got the angels watching over you.

Aside